The ups and downs of it all

The past few days have felt like an emotional rollercoaster. The simplest things are suddenly difficult. Just being able to order food or buy things is difficult. If the cashier is saying anything of importance, I don’t know it. I know they keep talking, but all I’m hoping they’re doing is explaining what they’re doing, like I did when I was at Bentleys. But it’s very frustrating, to have to resort to pointing at the menu because I just don’t have the energy or courage to feel like saying everything I need to. I simply depend on the fact I’m a foreigner and they all go easy on me. I continue to get lost, and frustrated over the simplest things. I ask for directions, and the people in Japan don’t even seem to know where they’re going, that’s how insane the streets are here.

But, despite all that, I find myself falling in love with Yokohama. I’m kicking myself for wanting to pick an apartment so fast, and picking one further away to save money, because I could see myself being very happy living in this area. I love Bashamichi Avenue. If it weren’t so miserable out lately, I’d be down at Minato Mirai 21, which is like a big amusement park area. I’d almost brave going anyways, but with such a fun place, I’d rather wait for a nice hot day where I can really enjoy being on the clock wheel and stuff. But even though I love the area, I’m sure I’ll love Yokosuka just as much, once I get to know it. It might be better, really, not living in Yokohama right now, because the last thing I would want would be to get so frustrated with the city, that I stop loving it. Perhaps it would be better to keep it as a place where I go on weekends for fun. Because, it really does look the kind of place that you’d want to spend every nice Saturday.

But, even today, as I find myself beginning to like Yokohama, and thinking I might be okay here, I suddenly realize I’m nowhere close. I was standing on the balcony of where we had final training today, looking over Minato Mirai 21, and I was suddenly overcome with the most overwhelming feeling of home sickness. How I just wanted to go home. I wanted my pillow, my bed. I wanted to be able to sleep in. To go downstairs and watch hockey with my dad. I haven’t heard anything about the playoffs since leaving. Except for the fact the Pens won a game (thank god.) I guess the next game is this evening in Canada? It seems so weird, it’s 8 pm here now, I just want to be back home, settling down into the big leather couch with a bowl of popcorn and pop with my dad, waiting to watch the Pens destroy Detroit (they better) instead of watching the Softbank Hawks versus the Yoimuri Giants in the Nippon Professional Baseball league. It’s not hockey. However, one thing I can appreciate is the fact that baseball here is more exciting. You know, it really doesn’t matter what they’re playing, the part of sports that makes it exciting is the passion behind it. Watching soccer in Canada isn’t all that exciting, but if you’ve ever watched a game with Manchester United or something, you can understand why it’s the most popular sport in the world – the crowd is just insane. The same here with baseball. Japanese people LOVE baseball. And it isn’t like pulling teeth to watch the game here, because the crowds love the game SO much.

But, anyways, back to the original topic… Yeah. After three days, I’ve finally been hit with the homesickness. I’m just exhausted, and keep thinking “if I were back home, I could just relax. I could be in my bed, or get a hug, because I desperately need one.” I miss just feeling safe. Not that I don’t feel safe here, I do, certainly. But things are just easier in Canada. I had a kitchen full of food there. I spoke the same language as everyone else. I had a phone and a home to go to, that wasn’t only 2 metres wide. Tomorrow, I have to try settle into an apartment in 5 hours. I have to buy a bed I probably can’t afford, and life is feeling far more expensive than I want it to be. I’m spending more than I wish I were, and the worst part is, I can’t help it. And there are more expenses to come. I need my mobile, I need things to make my apartment feel like a home, and I need to get a commuter pass soon. I know I do have the money, if I spend wisely, and I know I do have the money hidden in bank accounts in Canada, but I have to figure out how to get it…

I’m sorry. I doubt you all care about my money worries. But money has always been my number one stress causer, so I needed to vent it out, just a little.

Anyways, on a much happier note, I’ll leave with a photo I took today while on break at training.